It’s almost time to bid adieu to 2014 and ring in 2015. The past year can be remembered for a lot of newsworthy things – Ebola, Republican-dominated mid-terms, Obama’s onslaught of executive actions, important stuff. Or, it could be remembered for something else. Quizzes! OMG, all the quizzes!!!!!
Not a day passed that some quiz or another wasn’t clogging up Facebook newsfeeds world wide. You took them. You know you did. And thank God. Without these endless quizzes packed with wisdom, I may not have learned which Disney character best represents me or what kind of dog I’d be if I were a dog. These were all very important revelations and 2014 ushered them in like a champ!
Some fine folks at the Poynter Institute, the educational foundation that exists to help writers and journalists, noticed this important trend and compiled seven quizzes to sum up 2014.
First up, “Which buzzfeed quiz are you?” It’s like the “yo dawg” meme of quizzes. You’ve already taken enough quizzes to answer most important questions, so now it’s time to sum that all up in yet another quiz. This revealing Q & A asks, what’s your jam and choose a favorite animal, dessert and TV show. These very important revelations concluded that my quiz, the one that best describes me, somehow, is “which Simpson character are you?”
There’s another neato-deato thing-a-majig that Travoltifies your name. Why? That’s a great question! Apparently John Travolta called Idina Menzel “Adele Dazeem” at the Oscars and this ensued. Janelle Irwin Travoltified is Jennifer Grizzin – fo shizzle. Even better, SaintPetersBlog owner Peter Schorsch is Patrick Smoith. I really hope the name sticks.
Want more? What city should you actually live in was a popular one from Buzzfeed. I think it floated around on my Facebook news feed for at least three weeks. It asks things like, “how do you take your coffee?” Possible responses include witty zingers like “black, like my soul.” “What’s your jam” pops up again with options represented by a parade of horribles including Shakira, Pitbull, Beyonce and Justin Timberlake. Perhaps the most telling in this quiz is what one could possible eat for, like, ever. Nothing is not an option, but pizza, chocolate and all the bread ever are.
Answers to these questions apparently give Buzzfeed enough info to determine I should probably live in London because “let’s be honest, you probably look pretty good in a Burberry trench coat. You’re the type of person who loves city life, but without all the hype. Your ideal day consists of the Tate Modern, a pleasant evening at a nice restaurant, and a hot cup of tea before bed.”
Yes, because the kind of coffee I drink is ever so telling about my appearance in a Burberry coat! Though, I do enjoy a cup of tea before bed. Good job you mind-reading bastards!
There’s also, “which 2014 meme are you?” For those interested, I’m apparently best summed up by a meme of a potato flying through a room. I don’t know why that exists, but it does and I think I’ll just go with it.
There are some useful quizzes out there. In August, during the Ebola hype, NPR posted a quiz asking listeners to test their knowledge of the virus. In doing so, it dispelled some pretty ridiculous myths like, for example, that Ebola is carried through mosquitos. Another quiz on Vox asked if you are a victim blamer. It asked five questions pertaining to whether or not a woman could take steps to avoid being sexually assaulted. If the answer to any of the questions is yes, you’re a victim blamer, knock it off. Good on ya Vox!
All this brings me to one final “must take” quiz that somes up all other “must take” quizzes. It’s called “Who gives a Fu@#?”
It begins, “here we go” with possible responses being baseball, a dog, Paris or, of course, fu@#. Up next, ‘who’s got time for this shit?” Responses could be a Cabbage Patch kid, Frodo, some sort of eggs and bacon concoction or an adorable bear. It then escalates quickly with simply the heading, “okay” with the only possible response being none other than pumpkin spice latte. We then have “whatever” followed by “blah, blah, blah” in which the responses are cleverly ordered to say, “who f-ing cares?” It concludes with, “you’re still taking this quiz?” and “Jesus F-ing Christ.”
I’m not sure how many variations of answers there are at the end of this hunk of awesome, but after three attempts I got the following:
“Okay. This is done now.”
“Sure. Great.”
And my favorite, “Why the fu@$ not? It doesn’t really matter, so here you go. You’re a thing and we’re all things and that’s just f-ing great, isn’t it?”
Good luck following this act, 2015!
