Advice on how NOT to throw a toga party

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Some advice as to how not to throw a toga party:

(1) The Greeks did not wear togas, especially not Greek gods. You’re thinking of the Romans. Please do not ever associate “Greeks” and “togas” again. If, however, you want to advertise your party with the catchphrase, “We put the TOGA in Saratoga,” go ahead. You’re welcome.

(2) The word “Bacchanal” is, ultimately, a Latin word, derived from the name of the god Bacchus. Bacchus, as you seem to be aware, was the god of wine and of partying in general. (Though there is more to him than that.) However, since he’s a Roman god, it’s very unlikely that Greek gods would show up to his party. Hence, please encourage your attendees to unleash their inner Venus (the Roman Aphrodite) instead — if she must be unleashed in public and all that.

(3) Apollo is an exception to this rule, since Apollo’s Roman name is also Apollo. So encouraging folks to unleash their inner Apollo at a Bacchanal is fine — provided that you remember he is a god of enlightenment rather than drunken revelry. In fact, he’s usually so busy providing oracles, making prophecies, and healing the sick, that I doubt he has time for too many parties. Hence, unleashing one’s inner Apollo at a Bacchanal might not be the thing, unless you’re looking to end the party. That bright orb that stings your eyes the morning after and calls you back to reason? THAT’S Apollo. Invite him at your own risk.

Peter Schorsch is the President of Extensive Enterprises and is the publisher of some of Florida’s most influential new media websites, including SaintPetersBlog.com, FloridaPolitics.com, ContextFlorida.com, and Sunburn, the morning read of what’s hot in Florida politics. SaintPetersBlog has for three years running been ranked by the Washington Post as the best state-based blog in Florida. In addition to his publishing efforts, Peter is a political consultant to several of the state’s largest governmental affairs and public relations firms. Peter lives in St. Petersburg with his wife, Michelle, and their daughter, Ella.