Here are 10 reasons to pry the husband away from the bathroom and read The Declaration of Independence together as a family:
It takes three minutes. Tops. That’s a 180-second break from arguing with your daughter about her bikini and how no one really needs to see that Harry Potter tattoo.
Show some respect. Our forefathers and their wives were wicked brave and, to honor them, we should understand why they confronted the British monarchy in the first place. Then feel free to go blow off body parts.
This can be done inside, away from 98-degree heat and 100-percent humidity. Your hair will thank you.
The Declaration of Independence is really an impressive list of compelling reasons why American patriots needed to split from the crown. It’s a well-written breakup letter and will generate ideas for when you have to explain that restraining order.
You can find a copy online quicker than it takes to download a James Deen/Nicole Ray movie. Seriously. Ask your teenagers.
Afterwards, drink yourself into a stupor listening to local radio’s Top 100 Love Songs of the 1980s with a clean conscience.
Like all of my favorite activities, this involves some uncomfortable moments. Thomas Jefferson called the Indians “merciless savages” and who the hell knows how to pronounce consanguinity? Make a game out of it, discuss what makes you nervous, and have grandma drink a shot of whiskey every time someone mispronounces a word. Make it enjoyable for everyone.
Why be like the Tea Party and only pretend you’ve read it?
The dead animals on the grill aren’t going anywhere. I promise.
This will replace some of the brain cells you blew watching the latest Michael Bay movie.
The Declaration of Independence is the reason for the season, so read this piece of poetry out loud with the people you love. And then think up ways to avoid all of them until Thanksgiving.
Catherine Durkin Robinson is a political advocate and organizer, living in Tampa.