Debate over Internet sales taxes remind us why we love the UPS man

in Uncategorized by

The following is from Wendy Risk, SaintPetersBlog correspondent.

The most wonderful time of the year and all 366 days of 2012 will get a about seven percent more expensive for on-line shoppers in Pinellas County if the Florida legislature, which convened Tuesday, gets tough on online purchases.  State Senator Jack Latvala and others realize that the state can’t continue to downsize public employees to solve its budget fiasco.  Florida already has the smallest and worst paid public work force in the nation.

Instead, Latvala plans a very progressive coup: taxation.  Many states, including Florida, already require citizens to pay taxes on internet purchases.  People simply aren’t paying.  In fact, the state of Florida looses an estimated $450 million annually in potential internet sales tax.  Latvala wants to close the loophole that allows consumers to skip this step.

Several interest groups will celebrate the taxation of internet purchases.  First in line should be the Republicans as the tax windfall will land in the state budget.  Hopeful will be state employees, without a raise in five years.  Delighted will be local merchants, beneficiaries of a more level playing field.

Cautious will be delivery companies, with fewer packages to transport.  Many economists credit the improved December jobs numbers to the hiring of temporary delivery workers by these companies.  Tightening the tax loophole will not benefit delivery companies.

 The UPS man is the subject of song and poetry.  Alice N. Persons’ poem “Why I Have  Crush on You, UPS Man” is included in Prairie Home Companion host Garrison Keillor’s latest anthology, Good Poems.

 With permission, we reprint Alice N. Person’s poem, to lament the potential closing of a loophole:

Why I Have a Crush on You, UPS Man by Alice N. Persons

You bring me all the things I order

Are never in a bad mood

Always have a jaunty wave as you drive away

Look good in your brown shorts

We have an ideal uncomplicated relationship

You’re like a cute boyfriend with great legs

Who always brings the perfect present

(why, it’s just what I wanted!)

and then is considerate enough to go away

oh, UPS man, let’s hop in your clean brown truck and elope!

Ditch your job, I’ll ditch mine

Let’s hit the road for Brownsville

And tempt each other

With all the luscious brown foods—

Roast beef, dark chocolate,

Brownies, Guinness, homemade pumpernickel, molasses cookies

I’ll make you my mama’s bourbon pecan pie

We’ll give all the packages away to kind looking strangers

Live in a cozy wood cabin

With a brown dog or two

And a black and brown tabby

I’m serious, UPS Man.  Let’s do it.

Where do I sign?

Read more about Alice N. Persons in the article, “Poet Persons Turns Publisher With Moon Pie Press.” Check out her company and purchase her democratically-priced books at

Peter Schorsch is the President of Extensive Enterprises and is the publisher of some of Florida’s most influential new media websites, including,,, and Sunburn, the morning read of what’s hot in Florida politics. SaintPetersBlog has for three years running been ranked by the Washington Post as the best state-based blog in Florida. In addition to his publishing efforts, Peter is a political consultant to several of the state’s largest governmental affairs and public relations firms. Peter lives in St. Petersburg with his wife, Michelle, and their daughter, Ella.