On a campaign stop in Jacksonville, Rick Scott’s campaign spokeswoman, Jennifer Baker, confirmed that the campaign received three calls to its Fort Lauderdale headquarters in the days before the bus tour. Baker said the campaign reported the threats to FDLE but she did not release any other details. The law enforcement agency confirmed Sunday it investigated one call last week but could not trace the source.
However, an anonymous source has confirmed to Saint Petersblog that the FDLE is closely monitoring the activities of He-Man, Master of the Universe, who, according to recently unearthed documents, has been served with a restraining order to stay at least 500 feet away from Rick Scott and his family.
“The problem is,” the source wrote to me in an e-mail, “is that He-Man constantly mistakes Rick Scott for his age-old nemesis Skeletor. So when He-Man sees Skeletor, I mean, Scott, it can be a real problem on the campaign trail. All of a sudden He-Man reaches for his sword, yells something about “having the powe” and then he charges at Rick. It can all be very distracting when you’re trying to distract people from the fact that Scott was head of a company that committed $1.7 billion in Medicare fraud.”
Meanwhile, a spokesperson for He-Man, speaking from the Castle of Grayskull, which is surprisingly located not that far from the Governor’s mansion, denied that He-Man has made any attempt to harm Scott. “He-Man doesn’t know who Rick Scott is. He just goes after the creepy, gaunt dude who attempts to terrorize the countryside.” When informed that this description likely referred to Scott and not Skeletor, the spokesperson referred any further questions to someone named Man-at-Arms.
Elsewhere, Daniel Radcliffe was released from an Orlando hospital after sustaining minor injuries while attempting to cast a spell on one of the buses involved in Rick Scott’s statewide tour.
“Daniel just thought it was a prop for the new theme park at Universal,” Radcliffe’s agent said in a prepared statement. “He saw the creepy bald guy, assumed it was a (Ralph) Fiennes and so he played along. Little did he know that Rick Scott is not Lord Voldermort.”