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Karen Seel, Janet Long stand up for Scott Houghton-Wagman?

in The Bay and the 'Burg by
I just can’t stand Scott Wagman’s campaign. It’s borderline irrational because I agree with Mr. Houghton-Wagman on most of the issues. I just can’t stomach the sense of noblesse oblige that drips from his campaign. You can see it in this picture taken at one of his fundraisers.

Imagine Houghton-Wagman’s brain at work. “If I can just get this picture of Karen Seel and Janet Long standing next to me, that’s almost as good as endorsement. Because someone will follow up and ask them who they are supporting and they couldn’t possibly say they’re not supporting me. So hurry up and take the picture. Wengay, what the hell are you doing in the shot? Why do I have all the weird black guys supporting me? Except for Welch, he’s not weird is he? He’s down, right? Didn’t I give enough to the NAACP? Can Mitch just crop the picture so Wengay isn’t in it? Take the shot, take the shot, J-Lo here is starting to squirm…smile!”

And if you don’t think Houghton-Wagman is just a little bit too weird, with that staccato delivery when he speaks because he doesn’t want to lose you because what he is saying is just so damn important because he sold a lot of cornflower blue paint or because he sends out e-mails about “Sign Monsters” stealing his yard signs. Then watch the video below. It’s not a bad clip because it has both Heller and Justice saying nice things about Wags, it’s just that the clip is set to Van Halen’s Right Now.

Anybody who knows anything about music knows that song is when Van Halen jumped the shark (it’s set to fucking piano. Van Halen + piano = VH1 + loss of credibility + complete cheese). This song is an absolute cheese plate, and anyone not in a high school media arts class knows you do not set a video to Right Now, with its mind-blowing lyrics:

The more things you get, the more you want
Just trade in one for another
Workin’ so hard to make it easy
Whoa, got to turn. Come on, turn this thing around

Enjoy fourth place, Mr. Houghton-Wagman.

Peter Schorsch is the President of Extensive Enterprises and is the publisher of some of Florida’s most influential new media websites, including,,, and Sunburn, the morning read of what’s hot in Florida politics. SaintPetersBlog has for three years running been ranked by the Washington Post as the best state-based blog in Florida. In addition to his publishing efforts, Peter is a political consultant to several of the state’s largest governmental affairs and public relations firms. Peter lives in St. Petersburg with his wife, Michelle, and their daughter, Ella.

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