Saying he was fed up with a life of elected office and government, Charlie Crist shocked the political world today when he announced that he was abandoning his campaign for the U.S. Senate and joining a biker gang. Pictures reflecting Crist’s decision first surfaced Monday evening after reporter Gary Fineout posted them on his Twitter account.
“They say the U.S. Senate is the most exclusive club in the world,” Crist said Monday while stopping by a VFW picnic in Panama City. “But what club is more exclusive than a biker club? The Hell’s Angels would never accept someone like Marco Rubio.”
Crist’s decision to join a biker gang set off a flurry of speculation as to which motorcycle club, or MC, the Governor would join. Early indications point to Crist signing up with the Florida chapter of the Warlocks, although Crist spokeswoman Michelle Todd said the Governor has expressed some interest in joining the newly formed Florida chapter of the Hell’s Angels.
“Whichever motorcycle club is the People’s MC…that’s the biker gang for me,” Crist said, reiterating his commitment to “The People.” But when pressed for how joining a biker gang would do more for ‘the people’ than him serving in the U.S. Senate, Crist responded tartly, “Have you ever seen the movie Stone Cold? I can do more for the People of Florida on the back roads of the Sunshine State than I could ever do in Washington D.C.”
But just because Crist is ready to ‘live to ride and ride to live’ doesn’t mean that the biker world is ready for him, right? “There will be some questions about his commitment to our lifestyle,” said a biker who goes by the name “Horse” and is not affiliated with any particular motorcycle club. “But, having a former Governor in your crew has certain advantages. He can probably help with traffic tickets and shit like that.”
A second biker who insisted his name really was “Sam Elliott” said that Crist would have no problems finding a biker gang to join. “With a name like ‘Chain Gang Charlie,’ the dude’s got a serious rep. The only problems he will have are 1) what does he do with his ol’ lady Carole and 2) does he want to be sexed in or beat in to the gang.”
For Charlie Crist, former politician, future biker, life is like the open road he hopes to ride. “I feel liberated. Politics can be so rough-and-tumble. It’s time for me to take it easy,” Crist said, pictured here grabbing another beer at a biker party he attended.