An earlier draft of a Q&A on the Tampa Bay Times’ acquisition/homicide of the Tampa Tribune has been discovered. Thank you to the anonymous source who forwarded this.
SUBSCRIPTION & DELIVERY
I subscribe to both papers. What do I do?
— We’ll consolidate your subscriptions. But don’t even think of canceling the Tampa Bay Times — we know where you live.
Will my subscription cost go up?
— Not until we raise it.
I am a long-term Tribune subscriber. What do I need to do?
— Sit back and enjoy our self-congratulatory style.
NEWS & EDITORIALS
I have been reading the Tribune. What does the Tampa Bay Times have for me?
— Maybe you’ve heard about this thing called the Pulitzer Prize.
I have a news tip, story idea or a press release. How do I reach you?
— Honestly, we don’t need your help. (See Pulitzer Prize.)
Will the Tribune writers work for the Times?
— If they’re lucky. We hire only the youngest reporters with the least experience, fewest family obligations, and lowest income expectations.
I’ve preferred the Tribune because I want conservative viewpoints on the editorial pages. Does the Times publish those?
— Only if they meet our high standards for sanctimony.
As a former Tampa Tribune subscriber, do I have access to the Tampa Bay Times’ online content?
— Of course. By the way, if you click on the word ‘Pulitzer’ 10 times, 73 cents goes toward our pension deficit.
I subscribed only to the Tribune’s e-paper. What access will I get?
— We will have an alternative website for people with low reading levels.
What about apps for my phone or tablet?
— Sure, we’re as hip as the next fella.
When you do publish TV and movie listings?
— Before, not after, the shows and movies are broadcast.
Will you still have my favorite comics and puzzles?
— Anything to keep the morons happy.
I read news online at tbo.com. What will happen to that site?
— See “low reading levels.”
I was getting e-newsletters from the Tampa Tribune. Will that continue?
— Sigh. Would you stop with the questions, please?
Will I still get breaking news alerts and emails from the Tribune?
— I can’t hear you.
ADVERTISING & MARKETING
I bought an ad to be published in the Tribune. Will it run in the Times? What about ads on tbo.com?
— Yes. Check the fine print: No returns.
What does this mean for tbt*, the Times’ free daily newspaper, or Centro, the Spanish language publication of the Tribune?
— Unfortunately for you, both will be continued.
Who owns the Times? Any connection to The New York Times?
— The Tampa Bay Times is owned by a nonprofit, and ordained by God.
Let us know what you think. Send an email to email@example.com.