Don’t know if it was used, but here’s my script about Rep. Brad Drake for tonight’s Press Skits

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Rep. Jimmy Patronis just Tweeted that there was a sketch about Rep. Brad Drake at tonight’s Capitol Press Corp Skits.  I’m not sure if its the one I helped write, so here was what I sketched out:

Scene starts in the middle of breakfast at a Waffle House.  Rep. Brad Drake character on left, two unidentified men on right.  Waitress buzzing around.

Unidentified man (UM): So, what you’re saying Brad is, you don’t think lethal injection goes far enough.

Brad Drake (BD): Hell no I don’t! We need to line those sum’ bitches and shoot ‘em right between the eyes.

Waitress, interrupts Unidentified Man: And what do you want on the side, honey? Bacon, ham or sausage.

Unidentified Man: Bacon please. Extra crispy.

Brad Drake: Exactly! Extra crispy is what I say.  If it we’re up to me, I’d never have gotten rid of the electric chair.  Put those fellas in Ol’ Sparky and run a few thousand volts through ‘em like the good old days.

Waitress: And do you want a biscuit, muffin or toast?

Unidentified Man: Toast please, a little burnt.

Brad Drake: A little burnt?  Hell no, I want to see ‘em a lot of burnt.  If you’re gonna fry someone, you got to make sure they’re fried. Or what’s the point.

Waitress, to second Unidentified Man 2: What would you like to drink?

Unidentified Man 2: I’ll take a cup of coffee and a big glass of water.

Brad Drake: Naaahhh, drowning the bastards will take too long. And where the heck are you gonna drown ‘em…the execution pool? Wait, I like that idea: The Execution Pool.  We just tie those a-holes up to a big brick and drop ‘em in a big swimmin’ pool.  That’ll teach ‘em.

Waitress: …and how do you want your eggs?

Unidentified Man 2: Sunny-side up please.

Brad Drake: That’s just perfect. Burn those little buggers.  We get a big magnifying glass and point it at ‘em and watch ‘em burn. I use to do that with them there little ants when I was growing up.  Plus, it won’t cost nuttin’.  And the libs will like it ‘cause we’re using solar power!

(Big laugh from Drake)

Waitress to Brad Drake: And for you, sir?

Brad Drake: “Do you have cruelty free eggs today, I hate to see those chickens hurt at all…”


Peter Schorsch is the President of Extensive Enterprises and is the publisher of some of Florida’s most influential new media websites, including,,, and Sunburn, the morning read of what’s hot in Florida politics. SaintPetersBlog has for three years running been ranked by the Washington Post as the best state-based blog in Florida. In addition to his publishing efforts, Peter is a political consultant to several of the state’s largest governmental affairs and public relations firms. Peter lives in St. Petersburg with his wife, Michelle, and their daughter, Ella.