The Capitol Press Corps is putting on its 57th (sometimes) Annual Skits to raise money for the Barbara Frye Journalism Scholarship tonight. As a member (really!) of the Capitol Press Corp, I offered three scripts for skits, one of which (I’m told) will make it on to the stage.
Because I am just getting back from my honeymoon, I can’t make tonight’s event. So here is a script of how I would open tonight’s event. Mind you, I’m no Aaron Sorkin, but here goes:
The skit is titled “Justin Sayfie does the Press Skits”:
Whoever opens up the show comes out on to stage. Someone dressed up in a Sayfie Review shirt comes on stage at about the same time with a Blackberry and camera in hand.
Emcee: Good evening, welcome to the 2012 Press Skits. My name is…
Sayfie character: Good evening, welcome to the 2012 Press Skits. My name is…
Emcee looking at Sayfie character: Excuse me, can I help you?
Sayfie character: No thanks, I am fine.
Emcee: Right, and I am trying to get the press skits started here.
Sayfie character: Sure, sure. See, I am aggregating the press skits. It’s where I take all of the material from Press Skits, then I say it at my own Press Skits and, voila, I have aggregated the press skits.
Emcee: Wait a second. Let me get this straight…you’re gonna follow me around all night, take everything said on this stage and then just use it at your own Press Skits?
Sayfie character: Right, that’s called aggregation!
Emcee: Sounds like stealing to me.
Sayfie character: One man’s stealing is another man’s aggregation.
Emcee: But you don’t have any of your own material. You’re going to use all of our material. That’s stealing.
Sayfie character: Tomato, tomato.
Emcee: Get the hell out of here. Press Skits is for real reporters!