Don’t even ask me how I ended up where I am at. Don’t I’m serious. I’d like to say I have no clue how I ended up in Montauk, but I know exactly how this happened. A few weeks ago, I was living at Kim’s, playing dad. Now I’m in Montauk. Where’s Montauk? Well, it’s The End. That’s right…if there is a Beginning somewhere, then Montauk, as the locals will tell you, is The End. That’s where I am and don’t ask me how I got here. (No, I didn’t hit on your cousin!)
If you start in Manhattan and head east, as everyone does during the Summer, you’ll fly (sometimes literally) through Brooklyn, Queens and most of Long Island. After a couple hours, depending on the traffic — hopefully, you bagged it at the office early enough to avoid the worst of it — you’ll start breathing the purified air of The Hamptons. The Hamptons are exactly what you see on television. I’ve been working out here for a few weeks…Out East as it’s referred to by the other professional waiters who come this way each season to pay for their own second home.
By work, I mean I’ve been waking up in the afternoon, dragging myself down to the beach shack, devouring razor clams and Stella Artois all the while keeping an eye out for Lindsay Lohan, who is supposedly staying at the hotel across the dunes. Around 5 or so, I iron out an outfit acceptable enough for dinner service.
I’m just going thorugh the motions. Understand that I’ve been working on the beach or near water for so long that working on New York’s beaches is kinda boring. I know my colleagues and customers, used to harsh winters, get to enjoy only about a two-month window in which to soak up the sunl For a native Floridian, there are only about two months a year when I’m not wearing shorts.
The sight of everyone being oh-so-casual is making me long for the seriously casual shores of St. Pete. The ‘burg knows how to do casual. Up here, if I see another Manahattanite trying so hard to relax that they end up screaming at their kids, I’ll pour sunscreen into their cocktail.
Still, the money is unbelievable. I think I made 500 bucks last night and ended up passing out on the beach. Just don’t ask me how I got here.